Sometimes I see clients who get very anxious about taking time out. They are always occupied with matters for their family, their work colleagues, their work, their friends...They feel it is selfish to concentrate on their own needs. In my experience this typically applies to mothers but I expect it also applies to single parent families in which the man is the main carer or to men who are more involved in the home and childcare... With males it is often expressed in a slightly different way - perhaps not bothering to eat well or buy themselves new clothes, preferring to allocate any income to their family.... with women it can be related to spending time with friends, keeping up a social network, having a beauty treatment, buying a new item of clothing.... I saw a divorced mother who has little income and looked extremely tired and stressed. She told me how she had gone for a coffee while her children were at school but felt guilty the whole time because she was just sitting doing nothing in particular.... An older lady told me how she begrudged buying herself a new dress for a special event as she already had far too many clothes, (even though they were mostly outdated and didn't fit too well). She felt over indulgent about buying herself a new dress when perhaps other people in her family might need help..
According to the Collins Dictionary definition... If someone is deserving of something, they have qualities or achievements which make it right that they should receive...
Thereby,feeling that you must deny your self something, even when that something is clearly needed, is another way of saying you are not worth it, you are not deserving of it, and if you do allow yourself then you are in someway selfish and must feel guilty (or some other negative emotion) about it.
A person may feel like this because they were raised in a very frugal household, or they were made to feel selfish and unworthy if they asked for anything, or they have been in a relationship where they were abused or made to feel "lesser than".....
However, if such a person can shift their thinking to allowing their self to be deserving it is likely they will feel more relaxed, more refreshed, and more able to enjoy the things life has to offer.... in giving time and consideration to their self (as they might do to another) they are no longer feeding in to the little voice that might be at the back of their thoughts "I am not worth it".... And in feeling more worthy and more relaxed they are more likely to have the additional energy and the good example of "worthiness" to help another "selfless soul"
"When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” Quote by Jean Shinoda Bolen - Psychiatrist and Jungian analyst
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