Did you know there are eight main styles of love; or the way you love? Choosing someone with a similar or complementary love style makes for the most successful relationship.
STORGE: Affectionate, friendly and good companions Typically "storge" people were raised in large families where they experienced support and stability. They view love as a special friendship where sharing time and activities are a main feature. They are generally not anxious if the lover is not immediately available or away for periods of time. They consider that if they are meant to be together it will naturally evolve. They are uncomfortable with excessive demonstrations of emotion. They prefer to talk about shared interests rather than feelings. They are only "forced" into declaring how strong their feelings are if the relationship comes under threat (e.g. from a 'competitor'). They do not consider finding love as a goal, rather they see it as a natural extension of an evolving closer friendship. It is important to get to know such a person well and to establish a firm friendship before starting any sexual relationship. They are not likely to feel very at ease with those people who are quick to express emotions and physical attraction. The storge is not attracted to any particular type. It is the quality of the friendship that matters more than physical attraction.
LUDUS finds it difficult to commit. They do not have a particular type because they are attracted to a variety of people and can easily switch from one person to another. The attraction does not usually lead to falling in love so they are reluctant to make plans for the future with any particular person. In order to stop the other person getting too involved Ludus lovers will find reasons not to see the other person too often and if a partner starts to get jealous they avoid the person or terminate the relationship. For them love is not that important and sex is for fun rather than an expression of love and commitment. They don't see any problem with having several lovers at the same time. They view their childhood as being just 'ok' and once an adult they can often feel frustrated with life. They don't usually reveal their true thoughts to the other party and this is usually because that gives them an advantage over the other person. The Latin for Ludus is 'game'. They see love as sex and more of a game. They expect a partner to think along the same lines as they do.
It's easy to see what might go wrong if a LUDUS is in a relationship with an EROS...
EROS is the antithesis of a Ludus. The Eros knows exactly which body type appeals to them and are immediately attracted to such a type. They believe that finding their true love and sharing their life with them is the most important thing in their life. They tend to want to get the relationship started asap and are eager to please their lover, not just sexually. They are generally loving and supportive in all ways. They choose their lover by 'chemistry' or intuition and are more likely to fall in love at first sight than other love style people. Their love style tends to be passionate, physical, and emotional. They tend to be faithful. They see their relationship as extra special and therefore do not need others. Eros people tend to believe their childhood was good. They enjoy their life and their work and are willing to take risks for love. (Whether or not their life is good they generally tend to have a positive and romantic view.) Taken to extremes this type might live in a "naive world" and be too trusting about the intentions of some other love types. If the other party in the relationship starts to feel less attracted to the Eros person the other party they might start to feel taken over by the intense and passionate attitude of the Eros.
So far in the "Love styles" feature we've covered Storge, Ludus and Eros. Now we're considering Mania and Pragma. Just a note, the title "Love Styles" might not sound too serious a subject, however finding a partner with the same style or a complimentary style makes for greater understanding and compatibility in a relationship; as I briefly explained in the Eros and Ludus comparison. Also, people do not always adhere rigidly to just one style all the time. They may favour one style but also have aspects of another style; and their style might change over time and with different partners. The styles just give a general guideline of the different types...
So now to explain the style MANIA: Typically mania lovers had an insecure and difficult childhood. In adulthood they are often lonely and get no satisfaction from their work. The idea of falling in love fills them with a certain dread as they are afraid of getting hurt or finding it all too much; and yet they also yearn for love. Quite often they will fall in love with someone they do not even like yet find breaking off a relationship very difficult and it is usually the other party who ends things. Even though the manic lover was not in a particularly satisfying relationship they will still take a long time to get over the loss. If they look for love they find it difficult to determine their type and might even look for contradictory elements such as adventurous outdoors type versus safe & homely... Once in the relationship they start to imagine what life would be like together and they can be prone to clinginess and jealousy one moment and then on occasions becoming somewhat aloof. They do this when they begin to feel out of control. The sexual side of relationships might not be that enjoyable for them, seeing as the person they think they are in love with probably isn't the best or most compatible for them anyway.
PRAGMA will go about finding a mate in a very practical way. They are usually confident that they will achieve their goals with effort. They might start by looking for a partner at their workplace or at social events; because t them it is the most sensible and practical option. Once they have noticed a potential partner they will not commit until they have a good idea as to what the person is really like. They do this by closely observing the person in social and work situations. Theirs is a common sense approach. They recognise and appreciate signs of caring and commitment, and dislike excessive displays of emotion and/or jealousy. Sex is not so much reliant on compatibility or chemistry but of mastering skills which make things work for both parties.
Continuing with the remaining three of the eight love/relationship styles...
STORGIC EROS unsurprisingly is a combination of Storge and Eros. Usually have no preferred type of person because they feel everyone is worthy. If they feel someone is too unattractive to love they are likely to feel guilty about it, because the act of loving is more important than who is loved. To them the act of loving another is part of a mature lifestyle and brings fulfilment; whether or not the person returns that love. They are not usually possessive and see love as a duty; even being willing to leave a relationship ion they see their partner's needs might be better met with another person. They rarely feel resentful or angry about their past experiences. Instead they are accepting of it and see it as a learning experience. Loving feelings towards another are more important than sexual intimacy and for them, love is the core purpose of human life.
STORGIC LUDUS: Tend to vere toward having affairs rather than permanent relationships; although they might already be in a permanent relationship with someone from one of the other groups yet find the excitement of additional relationships compelling. In which case they expect discretion and self-restraint. They tend not to feel jealous or possessive but if this is shown by one of their partners they will probably break off the relationship. Storgic Ludus will also break off relationships that threaten their main (more secure) relationship, yet they find excitement in a series of additional affairs.
LUDIC EROS: These lovers have no particular type. They feel generally content with they lives and able to cope although they enjoy a variety of experiences, including love affairs. As with Storgic Ludus they do not feel possessive or jealous and if they sense this from a partner they will end the relationship. Instead they see love almost as an art form, as "theatre" in which both parties should help the other enjoy the experience for what it is without too much emotion or depth of feeling aimed at any particular person.
These love and relationship styles are taken from John Alan Lee's Eight Love Styles, or "The Colours of love".
Other researchers in this subject, such as Hendrick & Hendrick (1986) Six styles of love.
The styles of love are hugely based on the writings of the ancient Greeks and specifically the writings of Plato and Aristotle,
See more here... https://youtu.be/7PUtTQF6lmQ
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